Survival

For our family's newsletter we compiled a list of "Hospital Survival Tips." The number of tips exceeded the space, so I decided to share some of our advice here.

• Choose diamonds (see above photo of Julie) over stars if given a choice of hospital gowns.
• Befriend the secretary and the security guard.
• Warn guests before a visit if there's a cleaning closet on another floor with the same room number as your room.
• Carry earplugs and set low expectations for sleep.
• Resign yourself to the fact that some hearing aids always screech.
• Close the blinds before exercising, lest you gain an audience and receive compliments on your dance performance.
• Insist that a family member stay in the room if it makes you more comfortable.
• Ask questions before procedures lest you have a pap "scam."
• Buy more than one variety of granola bars.
• Pain medication can be a friend or an enemy.
• No matter what the Nutrition Services Ambassador suggests, don't order sausage for your first meal in ICU.
• Be firm when disoriented patients wander into your room at night.
• Check with the nurses to see which cook is on duty when deciding whether or not to order dinner from the hospital cafeteria.
• Be wary of the grilled chicken.